Friday, March 28, 2014

Post Pregnancy and Dealing with Insecurities.

I can dare to say that before having children my body was pretty good! I didn't really have many insecurities, I mean yes, like every young person, I wished to be skinny and have flawless skin, but for the most part I loved my body and embraced it pretty well. I was married almost a year when I found out I was pregnant, it was, besides my wedding day, the most exciting, scariest day of my life! My first reaction was YES! and then it was Wait, am I really ready?! and then it was, I have no idea what I'm doing! lol! 

Besides the morning sickness, I enjoyed my pregnancy.. My belly bump was all out in front! My first son, ended up being 9lbs, 4 oz.! So my belly had many many stretch marks, I tried cocoa butter and lotions but I think because I carried like a watermelon there was no avoiding the stretch marks. I even got stretch marks on my back from my skin pulling and some on my breasts. I gained about 30 lbs during that pregnancy.
When I had him, my life changed forever. My focuses as a person changed and I can't even explain all the feeling and emotions of that day! It was amazing. 
If you are interested: I finally got around to downloading the video taken of my firstborn's delivery! Here is that video! 

I really wish, there was a book or something I could've read that would have prepared me for my body after wards. I didn't even really think about it or what my plan would be after delivery. I definitely never expected to have all that extra loose unflattering skin, or that my stretch marks wouldn't disappear. I was kinda devastated! Here I was a new mother, my life turned upside down, and the one thing that I was comfortable with (my own body) had changed completely in under a year! 
I remember looking in the mirror and thinking who are you? And then instead of dealing the weight or physical change, I just decided to deny it, and think I can deal with it later, or maybe it'll just happen on it own. 
Well, Alex was only 6 months old with I got pregnant again!! So here, not at all recovering from my last pregnancy, I start another! And guess how much this one weighed at birth, 10 lbs 7 oz! and no I didn't not (thankfully) have Gestational Diabetes. I was worried about that, but my test all came in perfect. So 2 pregnancy's within 2 years. My body was completely shocked. It was about a year after having her that I decided to loose some weight and I actually lost about 50 lbs but then yep... I got pregnant again! haha!

So now, it's 3 pregnancies later and I'm heavier then I've ever been.. My youngest is 2 and I still don't know who that person is staring back at me in the mirror! That's why i needed this blog! It definitely keeps me accountable!! And I just have to say, Thank you to all those who have been messaging me and encouraging me and sending me tips and advice! I seriously love it and use it! I have lost 8 lbs in total so far and it's been slow but it's working!