Post Pregnancy and Dealing with Insecurities.

I can dare to say that before having children my body was pretty good! I didn't really have many insecurities, I mean yes, like every young person, I wished to be skinny and have flawless skin, but for the most part I loved my body and embraced it pretty well. I was married almost a year when I found out I was pregnant, it was, besides my wedding day, the most exciting, scariest day of my life! My first reaction was YES! and then it was Wait, am I really ready?! and then it was, I have no idea what I'm doing! lol! 

Besides the morning sickness, I enjoyed my pregnancy.. My belly bump was all out in front! My first son, ended up being 9lbs, 4 oz.! So my belly had many many stretch marks, I tried cocoa butter and lotions but I think because I carried like a watermelon there was no avoiding the stretch marks. I even got stretch marks on my back from my skin pulling and some on my breasts. I gained about 30 lbs during that pregnancy.

When I had him, my life changed forever. My focuses as a person changed and I can't even explain all the feeling and emotions of that day! It was amazing. 

If you are interested: I finally got around to downloading the video taken of my firstborn's delivery! Here is that video! 

I really wish, there was a book or something I could've read that would have prepared me for my body after wards. I didn't even really think about it or what my plan would be after delivery. I definitely never expected to have all that extra loose unflattering skin, or that my stretch marks wouldn't disappear. I was kinda devastated! Here I was a new mother, my life turned upside down, and the one thing that I was comfortable with (my own body) had changed completely in under a year! 

I remember looking in the mirror and thinking who are you? And then instead of dealing the weight or physical change, I just decided to deny it, and think I can deal with it later, or maybe it'll just happen on it own. 

Well, Alex was only 6 months old with I got pregnant again!! So here, not at all recovering from my last pregnancy, I start another! And guess how much this one weighed at birth, 10 lbs 7 oz! and no I didn't not (thankfully) have Gestational Diabetes. I was worried about that, but my test all came in perfect. So 2 pregnancy's within 2 years. My body was completely shocked. It was about a year after having her that I decided to loose some weight and I actually lost about 50 lbs but then yep... I got pregnant again! haha!

So now, it's 3 pregnancies later and I'm heavier then I've ever been.. My youngest is 2 and I still don't know who that person is staring back at me in the mirror! That's why i needed this blog! It definitely keeps me accountable!! And I just have to say, Thank you to all those who have been messaging me and encouraging me and sending me tips and advice! I seriously love it and use it! I have lost 8 lbs in total so far and it's been slow but it's working! 

I'm not slacking off...

Hello! I am so so so so behind on this blog!! I really can't excuse it but I really have been busy and have had no time to sit down and write... but I have not been slacking off at all.. (I've even been interrupted 5 times from my kids just writing these first couple sentences now! lol )
I have lost 5.2 lbs since I last wrote which is awesome! I really haven't been doing alot of exercises either but I think being busy and on my feet was just enough.
Beside my highly energetic children and trying to keep them entertained in the house during sub zero temperatures, I have actually been working on my house! I've been painting, organizing, moving furniture and putting in new flooring. Let me tell you, putting in a new floor is like running a marathon.. I was so sore the next day I could barely walk. It definitely showed me what muscles I haven't used in awhile! haha!
I haven't been snacking hardly at all! I've been eating 3 meals a day and drinking water, skim milk, and my daily morning coffee.

Since writing my first post, I have had a bunch of people come up to me saying, there is no way you weigh that much! But I do! I do have one advantage though, I carry my weight pretty equally through out my body. I have never had large breasts or big butt.. I don't really have hour glass curves.. when I was young and thin I was shaped kinda like a boy.. broad shoulders, small chest, boxy,  no hour glass figure at all. I"m also 5'7 and a half".. which isn't super tall but taller then many. So being the weight I am, it's distributed pretty evening so it's sad that I can't really use the excuse I'm curvy.. which I so wish I was! I mean Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and had beautiful curves! I would definitely be more ok with my weight if I had curves..

I have a confession though.... My sister's wedding is coming up May 3rd.. I'm a bridesmaid.. I ordered my dress.. and I purposely ordered it one size smaller then what I am! yelp! I am confident I can fit into it but I definitely need to step up my game!!

I also am doing a colon cleanse for the first time in my life.. starting next week. I know at my age I should probably be doing them more frequently and when I first considered it, I was terrified! I mean seriously, it does not sound fun at all... also I'm scared about what could come out! haha! TMI! But better out then in and I'm sure I'll feel great afterwards.
I also bought into that Garcina Cambogia hype.. after my cleanse, I'm going to give it a 30 day trial and I'll share the results with you as to if it works or not!

I am looking for a treadmill too!! So If you are reading this and live in my area and have one for sale let me know! I would love to buy it from you! :) 

Thanks for reading!! I love all the support I've been getting!!

Week 1

I am both excited and disappointed.. I woke up this morning dreading to step on that scale.. I almost walked right passed it thinking maybe it didn't see me.. lol! But I jumped on it, and I peeked down and 3lbs gone! My first reaction was seriously only 3 lbs? Then my second reaction was, wait that's 3lbs!!! Then my 3rd reaction was doubt.. I was like wait a second what did I wear on my first weigh in,, maybe that was 3lbs heavier then what I am wearing now and I probably haven't lost anything.. but I remembered that actually I was wearing almost the same thing.. then I thought hmm.. I should go empty my bladder real quick and then weigh myself again cause that might be more off and then I can share with you how I lost another 2 lbs just by peeing!! haha!! But in reality it only dropped my weight like 2 ozs... lol!

So yes, after all that I am proud of myself! I know I can't expect to loose 10lbs every week cause that would kill me.. and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm NOT on a diet... I'm on a journey to change what I eat, how I eat, and why I eat.

On a side note, I read an article today, did you know that on the show "Biggest Loser" that they actually don't weigh in every week? It's actually every like every 16-25 days! But the show says it's every week.. What a MISCONCEPTION!!  Seriously! Here I am in awe of them loosing 5-8 lbs a week and it's actually over the course of 16-25 days! Here's a link to that article : CLICK HERE 

One thing I did notice about myself is that at night time I am "hungry".. I put that word into quotation marks cause I can't explain it... I'm not like stomach grumbling hungry but I'm hungry.. I'm not craving anything either I'm just hungry.. I have caved a couple nights this week but the nights I haven't caved, I've noticed I've slept better.. I have no idea if that is linked in anyway but it's definitely an observation I"m going to keep observing.
So this week I'm hoping to step it up more and I'm going to keep track of my calories... I'm going to try to list them here to everyday.. So That way having you all know what I'm eating can help me make better choices!! :D Also by the way, I can't believe my first post has almost 1000 views on it! I'm in shock! Thank you all for such nice encouraging words and support! You all are amazing and I'm blessed!

Day Numero Uno

Hello! My name is Tara and I'm a Fat Mom. I decided to write this blog as a way for me to keep myself accountable, a little vulnerable, and possibly inspirational for other mom's in the same predicament as me. I am Fat (275 lbs fat), I wasn't always fat but having 3 kids all within 4 years completely, and I mean Completely ruined my body! lol! Don't get me wrong, I am so in love with my kids, and I am completely ok with the fact that if getting them here, onto this earth meant my body was to be stretched and gained then I would do it again! I gained 70lbs my first pregnancy and then had 2 more pregnancies after that, without loosing the previous weight.

Me Pregnant with my Daughter.. She was born 10 lbs 7.5 oz

But now that I'm done having children, I've still been gaining weight and it's time for me to stop blaming childbearing, stop being lazy, and get my butt back into shape to a body that I want and one that I'll enjoy and be happy with. I have tried dieting in the past! I have done Atkin's twice and each time I had Great results! I lost 50 lbs in 5 months! But I love my bread... and Even after 5 months of not eating it.. it's just something I don't want to give up! I want to find a diet I can enjoy, and I did not enjoy the Atkin's diet.  I am also not a runner... I have NEVER had that "high" feeling people talk about when running! I mean seriously? lol! Even when I was thin and in my best shape, I HATED running! I like walking and jogging but running? no thank you!

That is me on the left..  (taken about 3 months ago) I feel embarrassed when I look at this picture, but it's me and I'm owning it and doing something out it. I love who I am as a person but I want to love how I look as a person. 

SO my plan.. I am going to set small goals for myself. Like most average american moms, I can not afford a monthly weight loss system (like Jenny Craing, Nutrisystem) and at the moment I can not budget monthly into the local gym in town, nor do I have the time to leave my home and kids for 30 min -1 hour everyday. Trust me, I would love to get away for the 1 hour a day but It's near impossible with our busy schedule! So I am starting small!
These next 7 days will consist of eating small portions, watching my calorie intake, drinking lots of water, and staying off the couch!
I have found some pretty neat aerobics videos that incorporate children.. Cause I'm not sure if it the same in your house but me trying to do exercise or yoga turns into me trying to avoid kicking, falling, and jumping into my children which is very frustrating and ends up me giving up, yelling at my kids and then thinking I can just do it later when one is napping... but when one of my kids are napping, the last thing I want to do is exercise!! lol!
This one is pretty neat!

So I am not setting up a weight loss goal this week. I just want to concentrate on finding out what restrictions I can handle and really take an inside look on my lifestyle and how I can change it. I will weigh my self every Friday and share the results with you! Hopefully in a year, I'll be a completely different person!

Thanks!